So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
