I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
