She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
