yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
