First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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