We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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