shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
