i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
