I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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