i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize