Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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