I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize