so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just found puke in my bra..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
