i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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