We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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