So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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