so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
