It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
