This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
