it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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