wanna go halves on a baby?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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