I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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