i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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