is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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