I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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