i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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