a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
