Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize