i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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