my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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