What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
