he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
