Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize