Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
