stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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