He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
