Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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