drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
