Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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