i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
