OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
