So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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