there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
