My sheets look like a crime scene.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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