Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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