I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
