i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize