U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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