i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
