I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
