Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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