The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
