we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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