Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
