Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
