how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize