remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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