the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
