I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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