I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
