You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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