Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm like, not good at living.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
