So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
