Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize