I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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