My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
