No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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