I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
