you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
