He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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