Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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