I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
