At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
