How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
