I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
