I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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