I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i believe in u and ur pee
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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