The maid of honor just puked.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize