But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
