My Higher Power is John Stamos
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
