When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
